I am no good at this whole boy/relationship thing. At least I'm not any good at doing all the suave little games and knowing things it involves. Like knowing how often to call someone. Or how to act when they call me. Am I supposed to be all calm and coy and whatever? Shit. Was I supposed to be wearing makeup? Oops.

So I officially gave up, when I decided I was really and truly Getting Over the ex, and I lived in Two Rivers anyway, where there are no single men my age anyhow, so why worry? I was going to be the crazy ferret lady of Two Rivers, with my Crazy Lady Hat, and build my off-grid cabin and obsess over my beer brewing and knitting. And everyone said they were so proud of me, and it would be so "good for me" to be alone... which brings me to my main point for the day...

What's the deal with the unwritten law that after every relationship you must be "single" for X amount of time before you're "ready to meet someone" new? What gives here? As near as I can tell, "single" in this context either means you're alone/celibate, or you're "dating"... and "dating" in this context means meeting a bunch of other single people and having dinner and doing the whole Getting To Know Each Other routine with more than one of them at a time, in some cases having casual sex with them, because you know they're not "the one" for you anyway, but hey, you're "single" and you're "not ready to meet someone" anyway, so that's OK.

I'm sorry, but that all sounds like either idiocy or insanity or misery to me. Christ. So instead of running off to live in a teeny little cabin for $500/month when my ex broke up with me (or, god forbid, being a rotten bitch and throwing him and the kids out), I decided to stay here in my house with running water and a garage, and work out an amicable arrangment for him to take over the house when I move.

And instead of freaking out and demonizing my ex and never speaking to him again, I reconciled my belief that he is a good and decent person with the fact that we're not going to be a couple any-more-ever-again. OMG. This means we still sometimes hang out in public together. We're trying to get on with our lives without throwing away years of friendship just because the romance part didn't work out in the end.

And because of these things, I must not be "ready to meet someone" yet. So I have been told. What gives? I mean, for a long time I was NOT ready to meet someone yet, because I was still in love with my ex. So yes. That was definitely Not Ready to Meet Someone.

But I'm not in love with my ex anymore. And I don't think I have been for a while now. And I've even surmounted the barrier of wanting to cling to the old relationship in spite of it all. And that, to me, is when you may or may not be Ready to Meet Someone.

Of course this all comes up because I kinda maybe met someone. And we've spent a little time talking together. And I am interested in spending more time with him. Maybe a lot more time, if he's interested too...

...and so I am hearing, from a few people I have briefly and namelessly mentioned him to, all about rebounds, and how I need to be "alone" first, and whatever. But I just want to know, since everyone seems to know what I should be doing, how does the rest of the world manage these things?

Is there a secret code for telling the universe to put a hold on the interesting people until you're Ready to Meet Someone? And when you are ready, is there a backlog of dating synchronicity just lying in wait for those who have Been Alone Long Enough? Is this one of those relationship/boy things I don't know about?

And while you're explaining all this stuff, could you also explain to me why unpleasant dates, and unappealing casual sex are supposed to help me "heal" emotionally from my last relationship? Is this one of those homeopathic things, "like cures like," and I therefore need to actively seek out more misery to combat the misery I'm supposed to be "recovering" from? I mean, I have no moral problem with casual sex if that's what you're into, but I am so totally NOT into it, I really fail to see how it's going to help me with anything except possibly my current lack of need for antibiotics.

'Cause I'm sitting here in my little "don't know anything about boys and dating" bubble here, and I'm thinking I'd much rather just be free to meet people whenever I meet them (instead of when I'm Officially Ready), and get to know them because I really want to (instead of because I need to Officially Date For A While), and see where it goes from there.

I'm thinking this may be another one of those things where people are confusing "what most people do" with "what is best to do" and "what everyone should do" again.

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